Recently I wandered over to our backdoor neighbor’s house to fulfill a promise to play UNO with the kiddies. No kiddies were to be found! But I did find their mom, Carla*, alone in the house. She invited me in, hollered for the kids (who were across the canal playing), and asked me to sit down to wait. Naturally, the childrens took their sweet time, so we had a long moment to chat. Prompted by some questions, Carla began relating her many worries. Her husband is currently out of work, so money is very scarce. Putting food on the table is a daily concern. Her mom is sick, but she doesn’t have the money to go visit, and she can’t leave the kids alone. In addition, she’s been trying to find space in some of the local schools to enroll her three kids, but there are no spots available. The new school year starts in early April, so she’s starting to worry that her kids will have to travel far (which means paying bus fare) or be stuck in a poor quality school (or both). She’s not the only mother I know who is scrambling to visit schools right now.
Carla also shared some difficult things about her marriage. Her husband is very machista (dominating) and also a womanizer. When she was 7 months pregnant with her youngest, he left her for another woman, abandoning her with two kids and one on the way. He didn’t come back for four years. And now that he is back, he frequently goes out drinking and cheating with his friends and cousins. He hits up strip joints and cabarets, comes home with hickeys on his neck. Carla is scared that he’ll catch some disease and end up giving it to her. They fight every day. She feels helpless to do anything to change her circumstances. She told me, “Elisa, no te cases” (Don’t get married). That way I can actually enjoy my life. Carla spends most of her days in the house. She only works when they’re in debt and her husband tells her to find a job. She doesn’t have much freedom, always having to tell her husband where she’s going, waiting on him when he’s home, taking care of the kids. What could I say to her? I listened. It was all I could do. The saddest part is that Carla’s story is not unique. Many women live this way, without a voice. My housemate Belén works with groups of women that get together to fight the machista culture and discover their self-worth. These groups give women support, a chance to get out of the house, an opportunity to share and grow and become leaders. It is a beautiful mission.
*Named changed for privacy.
